(Posted by the Wanz)
Now, there are a lot of entertaining and judgment-worthy folks out there who take the bus, the train, the plane—really anything else that publicly transports people. But I thought I would start with the top 15 people who I overly judge that take the bus with me. Now I take local buses and commuter buses (between cities), and have lived in a few commuter cities, so I have refined these into general categories! Read ‘em and weep and if you have your own judgment-worthy people who bus with you, let us know!!
1) The Touchy, Coupley Twosome – Regardless of whatever age they are (be it teenagers, twenty-something year olds, regular adults, even OLD people), the bus is not and will never be a great place to be displaying PTA. It’s… nice that you both commute together, and yes, obviously nothing says sexy like public transportation. Oooo, bumpy roads, sudden stops, tight seating, oddly scents, and a grand audience of strangers. Sexy time.
2) The Overly Odorous – Sorry smelly people, when you board the bus and let your smelliness expand, well, it’s not like the bus has great ventilation! Seriously though, just take a shower or something before boarding. Or something. Deodorant. Perfume. Manfume. Something. Please. End smelliness. Now.
3) The Exs (be it Ex-Boyfriends or Girlfriends/Ex-Hook-ups/Ex-friends/Ex-cetra) – Somehow, they always find you in an inescapable situation. It’s like they GPS you into awkward, confined situations. Even if he/she doesn’t look like he/she saw you, the ex did, and the ex is just avoiding eye contact with you as well. Unless, of course, he/she goes straight to you and begins bombarding you with conversation, then it was a planned ambush (or they’re optimizing on a perfection scenario). Remember—having to take an emergency phone call is always an option.
4) Crazy Old People – See, so I’m happy you aren’t driving (cause there’s already enough crazy people on the road, even busdrivers), but you don’t really need to sit beside me and either rattle on about dead relatives, invisible friends, vision quests, politics, or hellfires/angels. Also, a number of you are also in another category (see: the Overly Odorous).
5) The Bus Driver Who Doesn’t Know How to Break Softly – Nothing says “awesome ride” like being lurched forward at every stop, cause the bus driver is a “sudden stopper.” Urgh. One must realize that when people are literally falling out of their seats, they are breaking too hard!
6) Rowdy Herds of Passengers Going to an Event – First of all, there’s always a herd of these people. Be it because of sporting events, concerts, or special guest speakers, if you’re a regular commuter these “special guest star passengers” fill and retard your usual trip. It’s also unfortunate, because they don’t know the rules of the bus, they aren’t super considerate of other people, and (especially after these events) people may be obnoxious, sweaty, smelly or potentially even drunk. Yay for you not driving, but nay for becoming a pain in my ass. Rude.
7) Those Choosing to go Deaf – Okay, I overly enjoy listening to music as well on the bus. It helps pass time. Helps me sleep. Helps with, y’know, whatever—but when one plays their music so loud I can hear full lyrics to the song, then it’s annoying. I like listening to music loudly too (like at the gym!). However, I usually take out my ear buds on the bus, check the volume on it, and make sure it isn’t disturbing people. And when the bus driver chooses not to do anything, a give you a little second hand judgment passive busdriver. (Don’t fret, spoileralert: passive aggressive busdrivers made the list.)
8) Those who Sit in Aisle Seats Instead of Window Seats on a Crowded Bus – Unless you’re like me and are so tall that if someone reclines in their seat, you can’t sit in a certain seat, move to the window seat. Someone’s going to have to sit beside you if the bus is crowded. Move. Save us some time. The stand ‘n shuffle only slows down the whole bus ride. There ain’t no VIP seating on this ride.
9) People who Ride the Bus for Only 1-5 Blocks – Ok, so I’m from San Francisco, and I’ve admittedly waited for a bus so I would have to climb a treacherous hill when I could have walked it for 20 minutes. Living in Tacoma, I see people who take a bus for like 4 blocks so they wouldn’t have to walk up hill—mind you, they’ve waited for the bus for like a good 20 minutes, when it takes maybe 5 minutes to walk up the hill. Really? Unless you’re old or with a baby or you’re handicapable, you should walk it. Don’t make America lazier.
10) Space Invaders – Seriously, if you are sitting in a two-person seat and someone sits next to you, move your legs and the rest of your body to your half of the seat. Just cause you were there first, doesn’t mean you get more space. Share it! Or prepare to have your legs physically moved. Other people need their space too. Again, no VIP seating here.
11) People Who Don’t Stand Up For Pregnant Women, Older People, and Handicapable Passengers – Especially if you’re in the front seats, you need to move. At the least, scoot over so there’s space for them. I have seen tons of teens sitting up front, glance up at an old hobbling man, and then resume their conversations. Move! Especially pregnant women—she’s like a person and a half! Do it, cause who knows, one day you may be in their position.
12) Creepsters – For those weirdos on the bus who’re trying to pick up people (particularly trying to hit on kids/high schoolers), stop. No one likes you. And we know what you’re doing. And if you don’t stop, we know how to call the police. J Or mace you. Or both—wouldn’t that be fun?
13) The Passive Aggressive Bus Driver – These are the busdrivers who, when there’s an issue (that hasn’t escalated to something physical occurring), just play their prerecorded messages instead of addressing the passengers specifically. I mean… really? Are you trying to avoid conflict so much that you can’t say something? You just replay your prerecorded message, until another passenger tells said disruptive passenger to stop doing whatever it is they were doing and you’re like “Ah, perfect, a job well done!” No… it’s more like “Ah, perfect, I pushed a button and someone else took care of it. A job not done.”
14) The Short Recliners – Mostly because I’m a tall person, I do not always appreciate getting my legs crushed by someone reclining in their chair. One would think airplanes were worse, but the buses to Seattle definitely could hurt a tall fellow like myself. And when a shorter person decides to recline and either can’t (cause my legs won’t allow it) or they crush my legs, forcing me to move, I can’t help but glare at them. Forever.
15) Me – Can’t hate on everyone, without being honest. I probably do pretty judge worthy things! I definitely have allergy problems (the dust-free air conditioning on the bus totally helps) and sniffle and sneeze all the time. I’m exhausted some days, so I nap on the bus (mayhaps even snore). Some days I dash for my bus and am overly sweaty. And I’m sure I’ve fallen into a few of these categories listed above before. But that only means that I judge myself—and I’m big enough to admit to that and aim to change. Those folks on the bus set in their ways though… well, I carefreely judge you.
The dude sitting next to me who is pressed against the window (either out of fear of my sniffles, me being black, or maybe just a general fear of people) came in close to be on this list, but I wouldn’t want to single anyone out!
And if you take the bus and judge people too, send us a reply or shoot us a tweet @LifeInTransitTJ and tell us your story!
